To the naked eye this picture is beautiful. Peaceful. Precious. It is perfect. And it is. All of those things. But to my eyes....it is incredibly sad. It invokes deep feelings of pain and devastation. And it sends me back to "that time" of my life. (As if this time has erased that one.....)
August 8,2007. We had played outside at the park all day. Enjoying the sunshine and warm air. Reveling in the slight breeze that would come at just the right moments. And I imagined that the next summer I would be standing here again....in this spot.....listening again to the laughter of my children. Only then I would be pushing a stroller. A double one. With two little girls who would soon enough join their siblings in the ritual of climbing up the sliding board instead of sliding down it and squealing in delight at their accomplishment.
My baby boy was not quite two years old yet. He had played hard all day. And he had missed that all important nap. He was exhausted. And so, pacifier and all...he had fallen asleep in the tub while I was bathing him. I remember wrapping him in his towel and lying him across my bed. And staring. Drinking in my little boy who in a matter of months would no longer be "the baby" of the family. Wondering how he would handle relinquishing that title. And thinking I was the luckiest women ever.
One week changed that. One week completely redesigned the meaning and emotion of this picture. One week later my daughters died as I slept in that same bed. That picture, of my beautiful, sleeping boy was the last picture I took of any of my children. Until the next picture...which was of my beautiful,sleeping angels.
No comments:
Post a Comment