As I sit in the Service Waiting Area for my 90 minute maintenance and oil change (which is now closer to 120 minutes in) I decided to clean out some of the clutter from my email folders. I noticed a (8) next to the Drafts folder. It made me curious as this folder is never used by me for any reason and I don't recall saving anything to it. There were seven older writings of mine.....again-little snippets. Things that made me laugh. Things that made me reflect and recall happenings and goings on. And then - there was this.
Apparently a friend had emailed me on November 28th,2007 to ask how I was feeling. Insignificant date to most, I know. But for me it was the day the doctors had originally set aside to admit me to the hospital, deliver my identical twin daughters and send me home a changed woman. Well, all those things happened just not exactly as planned and much earlier than anticipated. The girls were due the day after Christmas but being mutliples and being born to an "old" mother with Diabetes it was determined they should come early. And they did. Sleeping .
I read the email. I read it a second and third time. And I didn't cry. (Today must be a good day) I smiled. I smiled at the memory of their tiny bodies as I held them close to me.....gingerly as if afraid I would hurt them. I smiled at the memory of their scent as I tried to inhale enough of it to last me a lifetime. And I smiled at the fact that even then, in my most devastated of moments and in the most raw state of emotion I was able to see and understand-and more importantly believe that I had been hand chosen to deliver the purest and most perfect gift to God above. Two angels. Pure. Perfect. Precious.
|From:||J W (firstname.lastname@example.org)|
|Sent:||Wed 11/28/07 7:15 PM|
Their birthday is coming. In less than 4 weeks I will again reflect on the nevers. And again - at least I hope- that I will reflect on the days I WAS blessed with being their mother on this Earth. Even if it was briefly.