Better

Better.
It's a relative term. But what exactly is it relative to? And what does it mean? Exactly?
Better.
Better than what? And who says what is better and what isn't? How do we decide what's better and what's worse?
Better........
Better is something my children deserve. It's something that I long ago aspired to be. Better is how I wish I felt. How I want to look. What I want for those I love. Better.
Better is also how iced tea tastes when it's sweetened like real southern tea. It's how cheesecake melts in your mouth when it reaches room temperature. Better is they way you think a meal smells when you've prepared it yourself from start to finish. Better.
With all of these things being better than something how are we to ascertain just what better is? And what is it better than? How do we know how to make things better? What needs to be better? And what will never be better?
What started this whole tumultuous inner debate about "better" was an opportunity that presented itself to me about 30 minutes ago. WalMart. Figures doesn't it? There I stood at the checkout waiting (forever) for my cashier to track down the CSM to open her drawer and help her correct her mistake. It isn't completely relative to the story but my order was $21.46. I handed her a 100 dollar bill. She handed me $124.54 change. So,we were waiting for her drawer to be opened so she could put the 100 dollar bill in it, correct my change and keep her job for another day. In the meantime a young lady had stepped in line behind me and placed her five or six jars of baby food on the belt and waited. She babbled and smiled with the baby boy in her cart and he returned the affection. Through the course of the obligatory small talk while waiting for someone in charge to materialize in front of me I discovered that this was in fact the young lady's nephew, he was nearly a year old and his mother had forgotten to leave baby food for the morning as he was staying overnight. I also made several observations.
The young lady seemed clean enough and neatly (although nothing fancy) dressed. Her hair was obviously combed and she had certainly taken the time to apply her makeup, include her jewelry (including her nose stud) and had just recently had her nails done. She carried a small clutch that looked like a knockoff of one of the expensive brand name designers and she had a Blackberry with her as well. The little boy was filthy. Head to toe. His face was caked with dried snot, remnants of whatever he had eaten earlier in the day and what looked like juice stains around his mouth. His eyes screamed exhaustion. His clothes were dirty and his socks (no shoes) looked like they could have walked away of their own accord. And he smelled. Not of one specific indentifiable odor but of a melody of several which were all in competition for top billing.
When the cashier finally rectified the change error I stood to the side to put my change away and allow her to proceed ringing those behind me without further delay. Just as I was prepared to walk away I heard the cashier announce the total for the baby food and the young lady sighed a little and said "Oh,no. We'll have to put some of that back. I don't have enough." Her order was $3.09.
I ignored the previous observations and without any real hesitation said "No!! Please.....here is $4.00. You buy that precious little boy his food and use the change to get him a juice or something." She of course thanked me profusely and asked me several times if I was sure. I nodded,said of course and you're welcome and walked toward the exit and to my car.
As I pulled out of the parking lot I saw the young lady belting this little boy into his carseat. She was driving a very nice, very clean and very new looking Cadillac Escalade. She smiled at me and I smiled back and as I drove away all I could think to myself was "Why don't I feel BETTER about having done a nice deed for someone?"
Better.
And it got me thinking. About that word. About how we use it to classify so many things. About how we use it to measure our worth, our accomplishment,our goals and our success or failure.How many times to we think to ourselves " I could have done better" or " I should have done better"? How many times have those around us judged our lives by telling us that we could do better than what we have done?
Someone once told me that I could have done better. I could have been a better parent. I could have chosen a better spouse. I could have achieved better in my life. They told me that I could have succeeded more and had better than just being a mom. And that got me thinking about that word,too. Better.
Of course I could be a better parent......we all could in one aspect or another because frankly the only PERFECT parent would have to be God. I can aspire to be a better parent every moment of whatever life I have left and my better will never be half of His perfect. Of course I could have chosen a better spouse in some aspects as well. Because again,we are human and humans by nature are imperfect beings in thought and deed. Is my spouse perfect? No. But neither am I. Whether or not my spouse is right for me is a completely different subject and quite frankly has nothing to do with whether or not he is better or worse than......than what? As for achieving better or having better success.......I disagree. I think I have achieved better. And I know I have had a better success than even I could have imagined for myself. I have achieved something many people only dream of. I have reached the pinnacle of success in my opinion BECAUSE I am a mom.
I am BETTER because I am a mom. I am BETTER because I have six incredible children on this planet who love me even when I am not better. Even when I am worse. They make me better. And I have a hole in my heart for my two precious daughters whom I will never get the chance to hear laughing or telling me that they love me no matter what. And that part of me will never be better.
Better.
It's a relative term. But it brings up another question. Better. If we are constantly striving for better and forever being told that we could have it or should know it or ought to want it...........when are we content with what already is? When is better worse? When is what already is.........Enough?